Date: 2009-04-14 07:10 Subject: Happy Security: Public Mood: loved Tags: the mushy zone

I know I haven't been posting much, lately. I've intended to, but there's a lot going on (much of it good) and time has gotten away from me.

But, I did want to note that today is my second wedding anniversary. Q and I have now been married for two years. Wow. It doesn't seem all that long ago I was trying to pick out a wedding dress and having a devil of a time finding one with sleeves.

I didn't think I could love him more than I did the day I married him. But, oh, I do. *smiles*

Date: 2009-02-22 22:19 Subject: Excuse Me???!!!?!?!?!?! (Live Blogging the Oscars) Security: Public Mood: disgruntled

What's with this new format for giving acting awards at the Oscars???? It's bullshit! Absolute ego-stroking, self-congratulatory bullshit! What happend to the clips????? I WANT MY CLIPS!!!!!!

(My theory is that they stopped doing the clips because the perfect clip for Robert Downey Jr.'s performance in Tropic Thunder would have been the one where he said "You never go full retard..." and they were too afraid to play it on television. Wimps!)

Date: 2009-02-22 14:32 Subject: The Oscars: If I Were an Academy Voter Security: Public Mood: analytical

I love the Oscars. I have always loved the Oscars. I have been watching them since I was a little girl. There have been years that they were fabulous and years that I was bored to tears. But I have always set aside Oscar night as though it were a holiday worth celebrating.

Back in the years when I used to host Oscar parties, before I moved to Cincinnati (because no one here wants to come to the parties, alas), I also used to run an Oscar pool. And I regularly won the Oscar pool. Because I am, apparently, pretty good at predicting who the Acadmey will choose to reward in which category. This is not an impressive skill.

But, having seen the majority of the movies that are nominated in the major categories, I actually have some pretty strong opinions about who I think should win. So, instead of telling you who I think will win this year, I'm just going to tell you who I would vote for if I were a member of the Academy. Because this year, I actually care who wins. Weird, I know.

So, my incomplete list goes like this:

BEST ACTRESS NOMINEES
Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married)
Angelina Jolie (Changeling)
Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Kate Winslet (The Reader)

My Pick: Okay...here's my standard for judging the acting categories...if someone else could have played the part just as well without damaging the film, then the nominee doesn't deserve the Oscar. That said, a lot of people say this is Kate Winslet's year. And, I have to say she gave an incredible performance. I was stunned. But (you knew there was a but, didn't you?), but Meryl Streep is just amazing. She acts with her whole body, from the first moment you see her on screen, just from the waist down and she's acting with her hips and you have learned something about the character. Could someone else have played the part? Sure. But the film would have suffered terribly. My vote goes to MERYL STREEP.

BEST ACTOR NOMINEES
Richard Jenkins (The Visitor)
Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon)
Sean Penn (Milk)
Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)

My pick: I loved Richard Jenkins in The Visitor and I would love to see him rewarded. I loved Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler and his comeback story just touches my heart. And I have to confess that I can't stand Sean Penn, generally speaking. I don't know why. I have a thing. But I loved him in Milk. He disappeared into that role. I forgot he was Sean Penn. And no one else could have done it. So, SEAN PENN it is.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS NOMINEES
Amy Adams (Doubt)
Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona)
Viola Davis (Doubt)
Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)

My Pick: This was, for me, the toughest of the acting categories. Not because there were so many standout performances, but because there weren't. Surprising, really. My standard eliminates three of the five nominees right off the bat...Amy Adams, Viola Davis and Taraji P. Henson were all wonderful-bordering-on-amazing, but those films wouldn't have lost anything much had other, equally-good actresses played the parts. Penelope Cruz does crazy like no one else. But Penelope Cruz does that same crazy in a lot of films. This was not a unique performance for her, and I can't reward that. Marisa Tomei, on the other hand, gave life to a character we thought we'd all seen before...the stripper with a heart of gold. She was, by turns, warm and brittle...she captured something that I don't think anyone else could have. So, of course, my pick is MARISA TOMEI.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR NOMINEES
Josh Brolin (Milk)
Robert Downey, Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Michael Shannon (Revolutionary Road)

My pick: This one isn't even a contest. I did love Robert Downey, Jr. in Tropic Thunder. I do not think anyone else could have played the part. But, the fact is, he's done better. He's gone deeper before. He was just having fun in this film. And, no one else could have done what Heath Ledger did with The Joker. The Dark Knight would not have worked without him. HEATH LEDGER deserves this one.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM NOMINEES
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
Wall-E

My Pick: I've seen all of these. I liked all of them. Risking unpopularity, I'll say that Wall-E was not as great as everyone says it was. Don't get me wrong, it's a great animated film. But it's a little heavy-handed in it's message delivery for my taste. Still, I fell in love with Wall-E and Eve. In. Love. I did not fall in love with Bolt or Po the Panda. So, yeah, I'd vote for WALL-E.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE NOMINEES
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Defiance
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire
Wall-E

My Pick: Movie music should move the story and add to the story without being so intrusive as to overwhelm the story. All the scores failed in one or the other of these categories...except SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. And, the bonus is, I can listen to the music and enjoy it in it's own right...it doesn't need the movie to support it...but it does support the movie. Amazing.

BEST SONG NOMINEES
“Down to Earth” by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman (Wall-E)
“Jai Ho” by A.R. Rahman and Gulzar (Slumdog Millionaire)
“O Sava” by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam (Slumdog Millionaire)

My Pick: I was really disappointed that Bruce Springsteen's "One Trick Pony" from The Wrestler didn't get nominated. That aside, "O SAVA" is an amazing piece of music that sets the stage for the whole movie. It melds with the movie and moves the story along all at the same time.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY NOMINEES
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

My Pick: Having seen Doubt on stage as well as in the theatre, I think that John Patrick Shanley watered down what was an amazing play when he translated it to the screen. Watching the play, I was more uncertain about whether the priest had done anything wrong or not. The uncertainty is what makes the story work. Any failure of the film to move people was a failure of writing, unfortuneatly. And I think John Patrick Shanley is a damn good writer. Frost/Nixon was good, but largely unchanged from the stage play. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button did not move me in any way...and adding in the Katrina angle was a complete failure of writing. Which leaves The Reader and Slumdog Millionaire. And then I have to decide what I believe about adapting writing for the screen. Because, if I believe it's more important to be faithful to the material, then I'd have to vote for The Reader which was a beautiful adaptation of the source material. It illuminated without any gratuitous additions or subtractions. But, if I believe capturing the spirit of the source material is more important than a direct translation, then I have to vote for Slumdog Millionaire. There were significant additions to the source material, but the spirit of the novel was not just intact, but enlightened on screen. And this is a tough decision for me. But in the end, I'd vote for THE READER mostly on sentiment, but also because it was with great skill and tenderness that the book was translated to the screenplay, and because I think The Reader deserves to be rewarded somewhere.

BEST PICTURE NOMINEES
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

My Pick: For me, in order to win Best Picture, a movie needs to be the kind of movie that you continue to think about after you leave the theatre. Preferably for days or weeks afterwards, if not longer. This cuts out Frost/Nixon and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for me. Both movies were good, but they left my head almost as soon as I left the theatre. A Best Picture also needs to be the kind of movie that will hold up...the kind of movie that, ten years from now, will still be regarded as an amazing film. This cuts out Milk for me. As much as I loved the movie, as much as I think it has an important message, as amazing as I think Sean Penn's performance was, Milk, ten years from now, will be just another biopic. The Reader is a real think piece. And it has stuck in my craw for a month. But, ten years from now, this will not be the movie people put on the top of their list for the year 2008. Nope, that honor goes unreservedly to SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Which was, in my mind, the best movie of 2008. Hands down.

Date: 2009-02-18 08:09 Subject: The Valentine's Pout Returns, or AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Security: Public Mood: sick

Because Q was sick on Saturday, we had to cancel our Valentine's plans. I was pouty about this for a while. Then, I decided to just roll with it because what else are you going to do? For years, when we were long-distance, we postponed Valentine's Day until we could be together. Why not do it again? So I wasn't going to be able to celebrate Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day. So what? I could live with it.

We decided that we'd have a romantic dinner out this week and call it Valentine's Day. I made reservations for dinner tonight. I even convinced myself that it was more special because it would be our very own, private Valentine's Day. None of this the-whole-world-is-celebrating-love stuff. Nope. It would be just us.

Yesterday, I got a cold. I have a sore throat, a cough, and I'm all stuffed up. I feel like warmed-over crud.

As of this morning, Q also has the cold.

I am having to cancel our Valentine's celebration again.

I give up. I think the universe just doesn't want me to have a Valentine's Day.

Date: 2009-02-14 19:51 Subject: In Which I Engage in a Valentine's Day Pout Security: Public Mood: disappointed

So, my husband, Q, got sick this morning. Which means that we had to cancel all our Valentine's Day plans. And now I am sad.

I waited thirty-two years to find someone with whom I could celebrate Valentine's Day. Then, because Q and I lived nearly five hundred miles apart and had to do the long-distance thing, we could never actually be together on Valentine's Day.

So, here I am, thirty-six years old, and I was so excited to finally be able to celebrate Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day with my valentine. And Q is sick. So I don't get a Valentine's Day this year.

I know there are worse problems in the world. I know I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband who loves me as much as I love him. I know that Valentine's Day is just a stupid, made-up, commercialized holiday. I know all that. And I also know I shouldn't be pouting about this. But I am.

Date: 2009-01-29 14:32 Subject: Imported from Facebook: 25 Random Things About Me... Security: Public Mood: content Tags: memage

Yes, I'm on Facebook. Yes, I'm a little ashamed of that. Especially since I'm just a little bit addicted to it. Be that as it may, I was tagged to do this meme where I was supposed to write a list of 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about myself. Then, of course, I had to tag 25 people to write a similar lists about themselves. I had so much fun writing it, I wanted to share. So, here it is:

1. When they meet me, most people think I’m very outgoing. I’m not. It’s all learned behavior. I’m actually quite shy and scared no one will like me, but I’ve made myself push through that and just act outgoing so I can function in the world.

2. I love tomato sauce and tomato soup, but hate tomatoes. It’s a texture thing.

3. I am always surprised that people remember me. I was never part of the “cool kids.” I was never even part of the “cool geek kids.” People I hung out with were always so much smarter, better looking, and more talented than me…so I figured I was pretty forgettable. So, now, when people remember me, especially when they remember me after many years, I’m shocked as hell.

4. When I’m spelling words out loud, I fingerspell them using American Sign Language. I learned to fingerspell for a part in a play. I used to do it for practice, but now I don’t even realize I’m doing it, anymore. Q noticed and laughed at me. He thinks it’s cute. I think it’s weird. But I still do it.

5. I don’t really have red hair. But my skin is so pale, I should have red hair. So, I started with the dye. Now I’ve been dyeing my hair so long I don’t know what my natural color is, anymore.

6. I haven’t read every book I own. Not by a long shot. I’m a long-term bookaholic. I read voraciously, but I buy more voraciously, so my backlog keeps growing. Now that I’m on a serious book budget, though, I might catch up.

7. I turned down a marriage proposal right before I started law school. It was the right decision.

8. There is nothing I love more than a good story. I love hearing stories. I love telling stories. I was an English major in college because that’s where you study stories. I picked up a history major, too, because history is nothing but a series of stories.

9. I procrastinate. It has never served me well. It is my worst habit. But, it has given me the ability to work well under pressure. Which is how I justify putting off working on getting better about it.

10. I grew up a Democrat in a family full of Republicans. Don’t ask me how it happened. Although, now, my whole family has come around to my side. You can ask me how that happened. His name is George W. Bush.

11. When I was three years old, my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. She told me I could be anything in the world I wanted to be. I said I wanted to grow up to be a dog. Everyone laughed. But, when I see how my dogs live their lives….I wasn’t wrong.

12. I find people fascinating on an individual basis. As a group, though, they suck most of the time.

13. I have no tattoos or piercings. Not even my ears.

14. I consider my greatest gifts to be empathy and an ability to look at things from other people’s perspectives.

15. I love giving gifts way more than I like getting them. Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas unless I can get gifts for people.

16. I love cooking. It appeals to my need for instant gratification. Whenever I finish making a meal I think “There! Look at that! Look at what I just accomplished!” I feel the same way about ironing.

17. I am licensed to practice law in three states. It sounds more impressive than it is.

18. I was a public defense attorney for ten years. I loved it while I did it. One of my former clients once said to me, “You actually care about what happens to your clients. It’s what makes you a great criminal defense lawyer. It’s also what’s going to burn you out.” He was right.

19. I used to think I was a pessimist, but I’ve had WAY too many Pollyanna-look-for-the-silver-lining moments to believe that, anymore. I call myself a reluctant optimist with pragmatic tendencies.

20. Q and I bought a Darth Vader helmet cookie jar at a flea market this weekend. Its lid is missing, so we turned it into a vase. We’ve named him “Darth Head.”

21. I have to name everything. They aren’t just my black pajamas, they are “The Unsexy Pajamas.” Q’s lunches are “The Godawful Chicken” (don’t ask). My car’s name is Pollyanna. Our chest freezer’s name is Vernon. I named my fibroids Billy Bob and Jim Joe (hey, if I have to live with them, I should know what to call them). The list goes on. I really do name EVERYTHING. Q finds this equal parts cute and annoying.

22. I do not camp. We, as a society, have progressed to the point where we have walls and roofs and climate control technology. Why on earth would we want to regress back to living in tents and sleeping on dirt?

23. I am not good at taking compliments. If someone tells me I’m beautiful, my reflexive response is “no I’m not,” because I don’t see myself as beautiful.

24. Bad grammar bugs me. Even when I’m texting, I have to use complete sentences. I just cannot bring myself to do otherwise.

25. I have a terrible need to know how a story ends. It’s why I finish books I hate. It’s why I went to my high school reunion. It drives me cuckoo-bonkers-bananas to not know what happened next.

I'm not tagging anyone. I just wanted to share. If you want to do a similar list, please do! And let me know so I can read it. I'd love that.

Date: 2009-01-12 09:29 Subject: From the Too Much Information Files: The Twenty-Four Hour Urine Security: Public Location: Panera Mood: amused Music: the generic-style classical music they play in here Tags: tmi files

Sometimes, I think doctors dream up medical tests just to see what weirdo stuff they can get people to do. Seriously. I’m pretty sure they sit around thinking “I wonder if I can get someone to drink a liter of water and then not pee for hours….we’ll say we need them to do it because liquid conducts ultrasound better…but really, I just want to see if they’ll do it.” The answer is yes. Yes, we’ll do it. If a doctor tells us to do it, we will. I know. I’ve done it. I’ve done exactly that. More than once. I’m pretty sure the doctors and nurses laughed about it afterwards.

Recently, my husband, Q, and I have decided that we’d like to maybe start a family together. There are, as always, issues with which one needs to deal when thinking about such a thing. For me, there are several. First of all, I’m old. At least if you ask my gynecologist and my mother. I’m only thirty-six, but, apparently, this is like a dinosaur coming back from extinction to ask if they can have a baby. Apparently, having a baby when you are this old is like finding an oasis when lost in the Sahara without a map…something of a miracle. Add to that the fact that I have fibroids. Not huge ones. Not ones that really affect my life in any other way, but they are there and mean that the dinosaur now has to climb a mountain in the Sahara desert on the way to the oasis. And then I had the audacity to be diabetic.

Being diabetic does not mean I can’t have children. It just means that I have to be extra-careful and take extra steps before and during a pregnancy to make sure everyone turns out healthy. Steps that, interestingly enough (note tone of sarcasm here), I am already taking, just to make sure I am healthy in my everyday life. *sighs* But, when you are a diabetic woman and you want to have a baby, you go to your gynecologist who gives you a lecture about taking care of yourself extra-special hard and then sends you to a high-risk obstetrician who gives you the same lecture, almost verbatim.

I’m a lucky girl.

But that’s not the end of the story. You knew it wasn’t.

Nope. Because the high-risk obstetrician wanted me to make sure my kidneys are in good working order before I get pregnant. Because kidney failure is one of the most common complications for diabetics (mostly for diabetics who are not properly taking care of themselves, and who are not properly maintaining their blood sugar levels), it seemed like a reasonable request. And, as luck would have it, I had recently had a urine test for just such a reason. The same urine test I’ve been having every year since I was diagnosed as diabetic, twenty-seven years ago. So, for the last twenty-seven years, I’ve been collecting my first-morning’s urine once a year and bringing it to my doctor who then says there aren’t any problems and I go on with my life. And, very proud and happy, I told the high-risk lady this.

And she did not smile. She did not say good. She did not check it off her checklist.

Why?

Because she wanted me to do a different test. She wanted me to do a test she called a “24 Hour Urine.” Yep. And it’s exactly what it sounds like. I had to collect my pee for 24 hours. At the end of that time, they’d be doing the same, exact test on it that they always do on my pee every single year when, like clockwork, I bring them a sample. Same test. Just a whole lot more pee.

And, what did I do when I heard about this? That’s right. I did it.

Let me explain. And I really don’t care if it’s too much information. I had to do it, the least you could do is sit there and read about it. I had to put a thing in the toilet to collect my urine every time I peed. It’s not a high-tech device, just a bowl made to fit under the toilet seat so the pee goes into it instead of the toilet. Then (yes, there’s a then), I had to take the bowl and pour the pee into a big, orange jug. And I had to keep that jug in my refrigerator.

You heard me. In. My. Fridge.

I wasn’t happy about this.

It meant that I couldn’t really leave my house. Because I was NOT going to take a jug o’ pee with me anywhere else. It meant I couldn’t really pee anywhere but the bathroom closest to the fridge, because I wasn’t going to carry pee from either of the upstairs bathrooms down to the kitchen so I could pour it into the jug o’ pee. It also meant that, if I woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee, I had to go all the way downstairs and through the kitchen to the bathroom (not forgetting to stop by the fridge to pick up the jug on my way) so I could do it.

It was like the jug o’ pee was ruling my life.

I got less and less happy as the 24 hours wore on.

But I got very happy when the stupid 24 hours was up.

Except that things weren’t over. I’m sure the doctors were snickering behind their hands about this one. Because now that they’d gotten me to do this ridiculous thing where I collected a big jug o’ pee, they wanted to see what else they could get me to do with the jug.

See, I had to take my collected pee to the hospital so the lab could have it so they could test it. Thinking this must be a simple thing, I started with a song in my heart. After all, I was free to pee any way I wanted now. As soon as I collected my last pee (and believe me, I was staring at my watch, just waiting for the 24 hours to end), I grabbed the jug, bundled myself up, and got in the car. I drove right over to the hospital with a song in my heart.

I parked. I picked up my jug o’ pee, I walked in through the outpatient entryway. I took my jug to the registration desk, as I’d been told to do, I put my jug o’ pee right on the desk and told the little girl sitting there what I was doing there.

She did not take my jug o’ pee from me.

She started at it. Then stared at me. Then she told me I’d have to go sit in the waiting room over there (she gestured with an undisguised glance of disgust at my jug) and they (whoever they were) would call my name.

So I picked up my jug o’ pee and walked over to the waiting room and sat down. And, because I was now peeved that I still had it, I gave my jug o’ pee its own chair next to me. And I waited. And waited.

And when they called my name I picked up my jug o’ pee and walked into a room labeled “outpatient registration.” I followed the lady who’d called my name and I put my jug o’ pee on her desk and told her why I was there.

She didn’t take my jug o’ pee from me, either.

Instead, she made me fill out forms. Lots and lots of forms. After which she set me to another waiting room. Still carrying my jug o’ pee. Where, again, I gave my jug o’ pee its own chair. Screw ‘em! If they don’t like jugs o’ pee sitting on their chairs, they shouldn’t make me carry one around with me. So there.

I waited. And waited. And waited some more. And finally, they called my name, took me into a little room and were about to take my jug o’ pee from me. I was so excited. I was almost giddy. Then the nurse said, “how long ago did you add the last urine to the collection device?”

Ummm….maybe forty five minutes? Maybe an hour?

She looked dismayed. Or maybe disgusted?

And then she asked me to pee again. She told me they wanted one more “sample” for the “collection device.” I had to pee in the jug again??? I asked her why. I told her I was very careful to adhere to the twenty-four hour time period and that my twenty-four hours was up more than an hour ago. And I didn’t even have to pee right then. In fact, I was happy to not have to pee.

She just looked at me and said, “Orders.”

So I picked up my jug and I went to their little bathroom and I collected one more sample from them. I swore while I did it. And I poured it in my jug. And I carried the jug back to the nurse who still did not take it from me!!

Because NOW she wanted me to write my height, weight and birthdate on the jug.

Ummm…wasn’t that information on the orders? Yes. But they needed it on the JUG she told me, thrusting a sharpie at me. And what if I don’t know what I weigh? She told me to give them my best estimate. Uh huh. That’s real scientific.

But I wanted to get rid of that damn jug o’ pee. So I wrote my birthdate and my height and my best guess on my weight (resisting the urge to write down the ridiculously-low 100 pounds). And finally, FINALLY, the nurse took my jug o’ pee from me.

My test results? Everything is fine. The results were the same as my yearly urine test. Mmm hmmm.

Those doctors shouldn’t think I can’t hear them laughing.

Date: 2009-01-01 23:55 Subject: End of the Year Navel-Gazing (...and, yes, I know I haven't posted in forever....) Security: Public Mood: contemplative Tags: memage

Sorry I haven't been around of late. More on that later. Right now? Right now is time for that end-of-the-year meme thing that every has done every year since I started online journaling....

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Lots of things. Some were small, relatively insignificant things...went to one of those paint your own pottery places to (gasp) paint my own pottery, ate tongue (and hated it), cooked a rack of lamb. Some were much, much bigger...started seeing a therapist, explored the possibility of going back to school to become a teacher, began to plan with my husband to start a family.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year's resolution was to stop playing all computer-based solitaire games. I failed spectacularly. I don't think I even lasted a week. And, quite frankly, it didn't seem important to keep the resolution. So, I gave up pretty quickly. But, I learned something. I learned that I need to choose my resolutions more wisely...I need to choose something that seems important to me. So, this year, I am going to be better about diet and exercise. I am going to develop better posture. And, most importantly, I am going to write more. I have said before that writing begets writing. Well, the opposite is also true...not writing begets not writing. And, the last half of this year I have gotten so far away from writing that getting back to it has seemed nearly impossible. Well, it isn't impossible. And I'm determined to get my writing back.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
blondefury, sahmchelle, and masterbetty all gave birth earlier this year. And their children are darling and beautiful.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Thank God.

5. What countries did you visit?
We were supposed to go on a trip to England and Scotland. Somehow (and this probably deserves its own post), it became a trip to Germany. So, my husband, Q, and I had a lovely two week trip to Germany with my parents. It was a whirlwind. I wish we'd had more time there. Other than that, I was in-country all year, and exploring my new city, Cincinnati.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A plan. Last year I said I wanted a job. This year, the job seems less important to me than a plan of some sort. I want to have some idea of where I'm going, what I need to do to get there, and how I'm going to manage to do it. I spent way too much of this year flailing around without a plan.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't have a special date this year. Nothing of the all-in-one-day-the-earth-shattered-and-became-different variety happened this year. I have moments I will treasure. And other moments I'd prefer to forget. But no date to etch in my brain.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I have two. And neither is bigger than the other. First, I have not just maintained a wonderful marriage to my wonderful husband, but I have deepened and strengthened our relationship. Every day we learn new things about each other and how to communicate and how to support and love each other. That seems like a pretty darn huge accomplishment. And, second, I have come to the realization this year that I don't want to practice law anymore. Big one, huh? Didn't see that one coming, did you? I probably have a whole post to write about this one, but, in a nutshell, I realize that I had a good career in criminal defense, but it's a career that is over. And I'm not sad about leaving it behind. I don't belong there, anymore. I'm ready to find and tackle new challenges in my life.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I did not finish NaNoWriMo. Not even close. Which is really symbolic of getting away from writing altogether. The last half of this year, I haven't pursued writing much at all. And the longer I stayed away, the harder it became to get back. I could beat myself up about that, but I'm trying not to beat myself up about things anymore. It doesn't help. I just wind up beaten. Instead, I'm just going to look forward and do better in 2009.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope (knock on wood). No one I love had any serious medical issues in 2008. Hopefully, 2009 will be just as good (cross fingers).

11. What was the best thing you bought?
We didn't really make many big purchases this year. So, I can't say that there was any thing that we bought that was super-good or super-special. We did learn to buy smart. I started working the coupons and discounts and sales to great effect. I'm proud of that.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Too many to count. My best friend, goodyoneshoe, my mother, my father, and my brother. But, especially Q, my husband, who has been my rock this year. Every time I felt lost or scared or had a bad attack of low self esteem, he was there to shore me up and comfort me and take care of me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Also too many to count. Most of them know who they are. Some of them, though, may never realize it. Which is even more depressing and appalling.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Ordinary living expenses. No big purchases this year. We've been tightening our belts.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
It's going to sound crazy. Maybe really crazy. Make fun of me if you like, but, I got totally into couponing this year. I learned how to work the coupons with store sales and save a whole bunch of money. I've cut between 40% and 50% off our grocery bills. It's made grocery shopping a challenge. It's allowed me to feel like I'm contributing to the household budget. It's actually been fun.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Okay, if you didn't think the last one was crazy, you will definitely think this one is. See, I make up words to television show theme songs that don't have words. During reruns of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine I sing along to the theme song "Deep Space Nine is in deep space...it's in deep space..." Truly, it's funny when you hear it along with the song and sung at the top of my lungs off-key (because I am a terrible singer). It simultaneously amuses and annoys my husband. I do it to the Doctor Who theme song, too: "Doctor Who! Doctor Who! Who he is is Doctor Who!" So, the Doctor Who theme song will always remind me of 2008.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
This year has had its ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like there have been more downs than ups. Overall, I am happy, though. Happier than last year? I don't know. I'm probably equally happy compared to this time last year. And that is an accomplishment.

18. Compared to this time last year, are you richer or poorer?
Oh come on, isn't everyone a little bit poorer after the financial collapses that kept coming and coming all through 2008? We haven't had a loss of income. We have had a loss of value in our investments. But, in all the ways that matter -- love and family and friendship -- we keep getting richer.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying. Plain and simple. It's truly a waste of my time and energy.

20. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. I know I said the same thing last year. And, I actually wrote more in 2008 than I did in 2007. But, I wish I had written still more. No matter what else happens in 2009, I am going to make every effort to keep writing. All year. As much as possible.

21. How did you spend Christmas?
For the first time, Q and I had Christmas Eve and Christmas morning all to ourselves. We made cookies and snuggled and opened a few presents. My parents got us for Thanksgiving this year, so we went up to central Ohio to spend Christmas Day and the day after with Q's parents.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope. I was already in love. I am still in love. I didn't think I could fall deeper in love with my husband, but I did. We're schmoopy. If we weren't us, we would make us want to throw up from the cute.

23. How many one-night stands?
None. I'm a monogamist. *smiles*

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I am not too proud to admit that I love Top Chef. Top Chef is the best show ever invented in the history of television.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a waste of time and energy. I try not to do it.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. It's a lovely little story. I haven't found myself that caught up in a work of fiction in ages.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Q and I were just discussing the fact that we feel like music has passed us by. It's sad, but true. I did enjoy Adele's CD. But, after she appeared on SNL, can I really say I "discovered" her?

28. What did you want and get?
Barack Obama won the election.

29. What did you want and not get?
Well, we still haven't won that Powerball jackpot...

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
This has been a thin year for movies. There just weren't a lot of movies that came out that I was even excited to see. But, I did like Iron Man, Wall-E, Bottle Shock, Quantum of Solace, Frost/Nixon, and Doubt. There are probably some I'm forgetting. Or maybe not. I think this wasn't the best year for movies.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 36 in New York City with my husband and family. In fact, I went to see a play starring my best friend from college, Lori Funk that day and went to Tom Colicchio's restaurant, Craft. Both were fabulous.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Immeasurably? That's pretty big. Maybe becoming a published writer. Maybe having a plan for where I wanted to be and how to get there. Probably it would be as simple as having more of the people I loved in living in the same city as me.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Oh, God, I was supposed to have a concept????!?!!!!??

34. What kept you sane?
My husband.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Are you kidding? Really? I could make a whole big list of issues and what I think about them, but they boil down to the Obama/McCain race. And I'm immeasurably glad Obama won.

36. Who did you miss?
So many people. They know who they are. I'm pretty good at letting them know that I love them and would love to have them closer to me. But as much as I missed them, I loved them all more.

37. What was your favorite moment of the year?
When Q wanted to go with me when I went to see the high-risk ob/gyn for a "pre-conception counseling" appointment. *shy smile* That's all I'm saying about that right now.

38. What are your plans for 2009?
Writing. Working when I can get a temp job. Writing. Going back to school to get my teaching certification (high school English, if you were wondering). Writing. Spending as much time as possible with my husband. And, well, hopefully, growing a human being.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I've learned several important things this year. In no particular order they are:
*there is no advantage to beating your head against a brick wall...all you get is a bloody head
*ask for help when you need it
*accept the help that is offered
*sometimes, if the path you're on isn't getting you anywhere, it's time to switch paths.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm going with the same song lyric that I used last year. It speaks to my life in a way no other song does. From the musical Wicked, Defying Gravity:
I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!


And, yes, I'll be writing more later. I'll be writing much more. Happy New Year.

Date: 2008-11-04 23:28 Subject: President Obama! Security: Public Mood: hopeful Tags: nanowrimo 2008, politics=yuck

I am breathing a big sigh of relief. Hope is such a small and fragile creature sometimes. And mine has been holding her breath and waiting for so long now. Well, tonight, my hope has emerged from her cocoon, her wings still wet; but she is stretching them and testing them out. It feels good to let hope fly again.

(And that brings the total word count for my NaNoWriMo project up to 1824. It's been slow and difficult going. But I persevere.)

Date: 2008-11-03 10:20 Subject: NaNoWriMo: Day One Word Count Security: Public Mood: calm Tags: nanowrimo 2008

Yeah, so yesterday I did not get off to an auspicious start.

Word Count so far: 400

I will post what I'm working on later. When it's finished. Hopefully today.

And, I'll just have to work harder from now on. *nods* Onward and upward.

Date: 2008-11-02 12:34 Subject: In Which I Announce My Intentions Security: Public Mood: determined Tags: nanowrimo 2008

I haven't been writing as much as I've intended. Or as much as I've wanted. There are reasons for that, but, really, none of them are good. Or good enough.

I do have stories to tell and things to say. About my trip to Germany. About the economic crisis, the election, and the state of politics. About my husband. About myself. And I need to get them written down. I just need start writing again. I am happier when I am writing.

My solution? NaNoWriMo.

Now, I'm not going to actually write a novel in a month. Because I don't want to write a novel. But I do want to write. And I want to write everyday. And 50,000 words seems like a damn good goal to make myself do that. My theory is that writing begets writing, so hopefully, once November is over, the momentum will continue and I will keep writing every day.

But, for now, 50,000 words by the end of November.

This means that, after missing yesterday, I will need to write an average of 1725 words a day.

I'm going to write some of it here in gentleeleos and some of it in my fiction journal realiotrulio. I will also be working on a writing project that I'm not prepared to share yet (sorry). But, wherever I write the words, I will post a tally in this journal daily so I can keep track of where I am and how I'm doing).

None of these words count, either.

Ready. Set. GO!!

Date: 2008-10-30 10:40 Subject: Meme Time....But It's An Important Meme Security: Public Mood: determined Tags: memage

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal or blog if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by people who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

Date: 2008-10-07 10:44 Subject: Update from Dresden, Germany Security: Public Mood: happy

Okay, so I have limited internet access. I didn't bring my laptop and I am at the mercy of the business centers at each of the hotels at which we are staying....if there is one...and what the business center costs.

I'm not going to tell you anything at all about my trip yet. So nyah...you have to wait until I have actual time to sit down and write what I want to write. (This place costs more than $15 for 30 minutes! Which is why I'm not writing much.)

But, I'm having a wonderful time. Wish you were here and all those postcard sentiments.

As you are all prolific and I don't know how I'm going to read all of what you have written while I was away, if there is something in particular you want me to read, tell me in comments and I will get to that as soon as I get home. Which will be Friday. Late.

Date: 2008-09-25 13:32 Subject: Putting Up the "On Vacation, Come Back Later" Sign Security: Public Mood: excited

I was going to write a long entry today. I was going to tell you all about what's been going on in my life and things that are going to be going on in my life. Not to mention telling you how much I appreciate that you're all still around, even though I have largely gone silent of late.

But, in the way of all things in my life, I have a lot of last minute crap I have to do. And I only have a few more hours left to do it.

And why, you may ask, is it that you've got this deadline?

Because I'm going to Germany. For two weeks. I'm leaving my house at 5pm. Then I'm leaving the ground at 7:30pm. Sometime after that, I will be leaving the country. I won't be back until October.

Yes, I am excited. Very excited. It's my first time going on a big, long trip with Q. It's Q's first time going out of the country.

But, I have all this packing to do. Not just clothing (and I am only allowed one suitcase....boo, hiss), but also all the other crap you have to remember when you go on a long trip....medications, entertainment (re: books), toiletries, etc., etc., etc. And I won't be taking my laptop with me, so I will be at the mercy of whatever the hotels' business centers have to offer while I am traveling. So, there is apt to be more silence until I get back.

Anyway, that's why I can't write that long, thoughtful entry about the (sort of) whirlwind that has (off and on) been my life for the last few months. Because I have more whirlwind yet to deal with.

But, yes, Germany. Yay.

So, for now, auf wiedersehen!

Date: 2008-09-24 09:00 Subject: Life with Q and Eleos: Part 2 of 2 Security: Public Location: Still at Panera Mood: amused Music: still listening to piped-in classical music Tags: life with q and eleos

Husbands, it turns out, are not the most observant of creatures. When Q and I first got married seventeen months ago, I would have told you he was different. I probably would have said Q was the most observant man.

But he isn't.

Now, this isn't a story about how I got a new outfit or a new haircut or rearranged the furniture and Q didn't notice. He does, in fact, notice all those things when they happen. Nope, this is actually a story about running errands. And, yes, observance is important when running errands, too. You'll see.

Last weekend, Q and I were running a bunch of errands. We needed to pick up some prescriptions, get him some new jeans, pick up some dry cleaning, mail some letters, and go to the grocery store. We tend to do our errand running in a big circle...it saves on gas and annoyance when we don't have to backtrack at all.

So, we're at the pharmacy picking up prescriptions and Q notices the letters we still have with us.

Q: Dammit! The post office is way back there. We should have gone there first. (pause) Unless you know where there's a mailbox to drop these in?
Me: (looking at Q incredulously) Yes. I do. There's one right in front of the grocery store.
Q: (giving me a quizzical look) Really?
Me: Yes, really. We've been there.
Q: Really?
Me: Yes. And we've had this discussion probably five times in the last year.
Q: Really?
Me: Yes, really. You always ask me where there's a mailbox and I always tell you it's in front of the grocery store.
Q: Really?
Me: (sighing) Yes.

And so then, when we get to the grocery store, we have another discussion about this:

Q: (seeing that the mailbox is up against the wall next to the propane tank cages) Well, they've hidden it!
Me: No they didn't. It's always been there.
Q: Really? They didn't move it back?
Me: No! (turning to look at him) We have been to this mailbox at least five times now. It's always been here. It's always been in that exact same spot.
Q: (laughing) Really?

Are all husbands like this?

Date: 2008-09-24 08:28 Subject: Life with Q and Eleos: Part 1 of 2 Security: Public Location: Panera Mood: amused Music: whatever the heck it is Panera is playing on it's sound system Tags: life with q and eleos

I am a light sleeper. Oh, I have my nights when I sleep hard, but most nights, I wake up two or three times. And it doesn't take much. One of the dogs whining softly downstairs. My husband, Q, rolling over in his sleep. A car driving down the street. The barometric pressure changing. A caterpillar crawling across a leaf on a tree two miles from my house. You know, the usual.

It's no big deal, I usually just shift positions and go back to sleep. Sometimes, though, I have to get up. A few weeks ago was one of those times. I woke up because there was some sort of soft noise coming from the kitchen downstairs. I couldn't identify it. It didn't sound like one of the dogs whining. I didn't think it was something falling. I also didn't think anyone was breaking in. But, I had to know what the noise was, so I hauled myself out of my nice, warm bed to go downstairs to the kitchen to check it out. Where I found one of my dogs, Winnie, having a dream and softly barking in her sleep.

Satisfied that the nothing bad was happening and the world wasn't coming to an end, I made my way back to bed. I crawled under the covers and snuggled up to Q.

Now, something you need to know is that Q is a heavy sleeper. He can sleep through anything. If he's too hot, he won't even sleepily kick off the covers, he will just sleep through it, sweating. I'm pretty sure if nuclear bombs were going off, Q would sleep through it. Although, sometimes, he does talk in his sleep.

So, there I am, snuggling up against the warmth of Q's sleeping body, and he speaks:

Q: I'm really proud of you.
Me: (surprised) You are? Why?
Q: For bringing up all that wood.
Me: What wood?
Q: All that wood.
Me: (giggling) Sweetie, I didn't bring up any wood. You're not awake.
Q: Okay.

And he was sound asleep again.

At least he was proud of me.

Date: 2008-09-10 22:25 Subject: Politics: Then Versus Now Security: Public Mood: contemplative Tags: politics=yuck

Four years ago, in the middle of the Bush vs. Kerry election race, I was disgusted. With everybody involved. I was disgusted with George W. Bush and his shortsighted, war-mongering, right-wing closed-mindedness. I was disgusted with John Kerry who was proving to be too stiff and too wordy and not nearly fiery enough to inspire people to get behind him. Every time I watched either of them on television, it made me want to scream. Or throw up. I was done. I was more than dissatisfied. I was angry. I toyed with the idea of moving away and starting my own damn country.

I am a life-long Democrat raised in a family of Republicans. And, by mid-September, the only thing that was cheering me up was the fact that the rest of my normally-Republican family was actively supporting the Democrats along with me because George W. Bush had pissed them off that badly.

I remember my mother lamenting the fact that John McCain had not won the primaries. Although she didn’t like and could not support the Bush administration, Mom would have liked to have a Republican candidate she could support. She liked McCain because he’d at least tried to be a reformer and tried to reach across party lines to get things done. She liked him because he was fiscally conservative while still being more moderate in his social views. She liked him most of all because he was vocal with his criticisms of Bush’s policies and the views of the Republican Party in general.

Barack Obama had just broken onto the national scene with his amazing “there is not a liberal America and a conservative America -- there is the United States of America” speech at the Democratic National Convention. And I was lamenting that we did not have a candidate like Barack Obama to run against Bush.

And do you know what I said? Way back in 2004?

I said that I would like to see an Obama versus McCain race in 2008.

Before you think me prescient (because I’m not), let me tell you what I was thinking at the time. I was thinking that Obama had the charisma to pull off an election. And that he at least seemed to believe much of what I believed and support those things that I supported. And I was thinking that McCain at least had the integrity I want in a leader. And that he wasn’t supportive of politics as usual. And I was thinking that, while I’d surely want to see a Democrat in office, I wouldn’t be entirely unhappy if McCain won.

But that was in 2004.

Now, it’s 2008.

Now, if McCain won, I wouldn't just be entirely unhappy. I’d be downright pissed off.

For the last several weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out why. Why, in just four years, has my opinion about McCain changed so drastically? The answer came to me in a moment of clarity last night that sledgehammered me over the head. My opinion about McCain has changed because McCain himself has drastically changed.

Watching the coverage of the McCain campaign this year, it struck me that McCain seems to have abandoned all the reasons he wanted to be President. Now it’s like he wants to be President because he’s fought for it for years and he just wants to win this time, dammit. Winning the Presidency has turned into an end in and of itself.

There are so many issues on which he’s reversed himself, trading in his own opinion and adopting the Republican Party’s standard platform position. Immigration reform. Stem cell research. Off shore drilling. Warrantless wiretapping. Waterboarding as torture. Tax cuts for the wealthy. Just to mention a few. And why did he do it? He did it because this time, this time he wanted to win. This time he wanted to get his party’s nomination. And he gave up everything that he stood for and everything that he was in order to do it.

And then. And then he asked Sarah Palin to be Vice President.

It was a political move. She is a very right-wing, very conservative, very anti-choice, very holier-than-thou politician. She appeals to the Republican’s “Christian right” base. Add that she’s a woman and will appeal to the disaffected Hilary supporters and create a stir in the press over history-making similar to Obama’s. Add to that the fact that McCain caved to the Republican Party’s choice for VP instead of going with what he wanted. And it all adds up to McCain, who always stood for not being political and for making the right choice as opposed to the popular one, making the most political choice possible in the hopes of gaining popularity.

It makes me sad. I never would have voted for McCain. Even back when I respected-but-disagreed with him. But, the McCain from the 2000 primaries or even from the 2004 race I could have lived with. McCain 2008 I just can't live with.


**NOTE: These are my opinions. I recognize that yours may differ. I won't condemn yours as long as you don't condemn mine. Poltical discussion is welcome as long as it remains civil and constructive.

Date: 2008-08-19 12:09 Subject: That Omnivore's Hundred List Thing I Keep Seeing Everywhere..... Security: Public Mood: hungry Tags: memage

The Omnivore's Hundred is a list of foods the gastronome Andrew Wheeler thinks everyone should try at least once in their lives. I keep seeing this list posted everywhere. I thought I'd take a whack at it. What the heck. Turns out, I've had a wider variety of foods than even I thought. Huh.

The rules of the meme:
Bold those you have tried.
Strikethrough those you wouldn't eat on a bet.
Italicize any item you'll never eat again.
Asterisk any items you'd be interested in trying but have not yet.
Under line anything you don't know what it is.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea*
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile*
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo ghobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart**** (I have wanted to try hot dogs from a street cart for years. Years and years. Every time I go to New York City, I want to try one. But no one I am with will ever do it with me. And they then act so terrible about me wanting one that it takes all the fun out of it, so I never have. I'm looking at you, Q! And you, Mom! *sighs*)
16. Époisses de Bourgogne (This is the cheese that I describe as tasting like rancid foot. Never again. Never.)
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche*
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda*
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi*
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk*
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala (This dish is how I know I don't like curry. In case you were wondering.)
48. Eel (Surprisingly, this is one of my favorite types of sushi. Also, crunchy freshwater eel served in the Loire valley in France is of the yum.)
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi*
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal (McDonald's is kind of it's own food group. I avoid it at all costs. Except breakfast. Breakfast at McDonald's is tasty.)
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8%
59. Poutine*
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (The BEST part of going to a County Fair. Might be the only reason to go to a County Fair.)
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost*
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini*
81. Tom yum*
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant (Sometime, remind me to tell you the story of the tasting menu at Guy Savoy in Paris. My parents and I went there years ago....sooooo gooooood.....but also so MUCH food that I thought I might die.)
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash*
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor*
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Date: 2008-06-30 14:54 Subject: Memage: That Book Thing I've Seen Everywhere.... Security: Public Mood: amused Tags: memage

So there's this meme going around I couldn't resist....

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed. Let’s see.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.

And my list would go like this:

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Date: 2008-06-22 21:57 Subject: Having a Hard Night Security: Public Mood: lonely Tags: angst, the mushy zone

My husband, Q, and I have been together since December of 2004. That's three and a half years. But, we've only actually been living together since we were married in April of 2007. That's just a little over a year. Before that, we weren't even in the same city. He was in Cincinnati, I was eight hours away in the middle of Missouri.

Being together after doing the long-distance thing for two and a half years is, in a word, blissful. It is wonderful to wake up every morning with the man I love. It is equally wonderful to go to bed with him every night.

Tonight, though, Q has gone out of town with some friends for a guy's adventure. Roller coasters. And I am so happy that he is having a good time with his friends, doing something he loves doing. Something that he wouldn't get to do with me. Me? I don't enjoy roller coasters. I throw up on roller coasters.

But, as anyone who has been in a long-distance relationship can tell you, the longer a time you have gotten to spend with your significant other before you have to say goodbye and be apart, the harder it is. When Q and I used to have a weekend together, it was tearful and sad and heartbreaking to say goodbye. When we got a whole week, it wasn't just heartbreaking to say goodbye, it was gut-wrenching. When we were together for a full two weeks, goodbye was devastating. It never mattered that we knew we'd see each other again in just a week, or two weeks, or a month, or whatever.

Those were nothing compared to saying goodbye after being together for a full year. And it still doesn't matter that I will be seeing him in just two days.

It's so stupid because I figured we were pretty good at dealing with being apart. But, clearly, I am not good at it. I miss my husband. I don't know how to go to bed without him.